Hasta Luego Y Gracias Por El Pescao, Cabrones!

The day has finally arrived. After two decades of breathing the same air, seeing the same sites, going to the same places, seeing the same people and doing the same old shit day in and day out. After twenty years of entropy and indifference while wasting away on Progress Island, U.S.A. and feeling like I never quite fit in, I have finally won my “parole” off of this rock. On Thursday I will be heading out of the prison “Gates” and heading for the relative freedom of the mountains of Pennsylvania. Not the most interesting place in the world. But it’s a start and it will be a hell of a lot more interesting than another day watching my fellow Inmates contentedly doing the same ol’ shit. I will not miss the loud noises, the stupid parties and late-night baseball games that keep me up at night. I certainly won’t miss the horse races on the street and the shit they leave behind. Or the idiots who race up and down on their ATVs/mopeds/go carts/dune buggies and then expect decent people to not get pissed off at them when they nearly run over some kid. The never-ending dust that you find on everything? Hopefully a distant memory.

So long and thanks for all the fucking fish, fuckers. I certainly won’t stick around to see how we constantly commit the same fuck-ups and hope that it all turns out different than before. Or when it turns out exactly the same way as it always does, I won’t have to facepalm as I watch in pain, how most of you loudly complain when Uncle Sam won’t come in and save you from your massive fuck-ups. This place is going down and I shall watch it all sink from the safety of the shore. True, America is also undergoing it’s own massive downfall and it too shall suffer greatly. But at least American’s aren’t expecting someone else to step in and save them. Too proud for that shit (although loudly proclaiming how the Chinese are dicks to their own people while we spy on our own and gladly take out loans from them never seemed to have hurt anybody’s egos it seems!) Then when everything has burnt down, I will do my best to piss amongst the ruins and proclaim “I TOLD YOU SO!”

You cling to your faith in a God that is quite frankly, a douchebag who clearly gets off on your suffering, and then say that it’s all some “test” and that those who take it with a smile, will be rewarded later on. You spend what little money you have on playing the lottery in the hopes of striking it rich and having something to retire on and pray to your God to make it happen, while you give away what little you have left, to your Pastor so that they can buy another Rolex or luxury car and proudly stand against any attempt to make it illegal to hurt or kill a fellow human being who may not enjoy the same sexual preferences as you do, all the while they take your children into their office where they can offer them individualized “religious counseling”. Then you shame me into keeping my disdain for your God and your religion to myself, for fear of reprisal against my person and my family. Yet my own family has fallen victim to the collective delusion long ago and ridicules my doubt in invisible bearded men in the sky, anyway. Yeah, I’ll make sure to remember you guys in my post cards to nowhere.

Will I miss out on the thrill of heading down an empty highway late at night and fearing whether the headlights tailgating me will turn out to be my end in a hail of bullet-fire, just because I have the same car as a rival drug lord or like my shitty car can wield a good price on the black market for car parts? Will I miss out on all the traffic jams that only a country with more cars on it’s roads than actual road miles can produce? LOL. Speaking of roads, what about all the potholes and roads constantly undergoing repair and causing even more traffic jams in the process? Fuck no! Plus I find your horrible love for Ricers to be nauseating. You’re not on a fucking Fast And The Furious movie.

You guys never did give me any real encouragement to explore my true passions or expand my knowledge. But reading is for fags anyway, right? Unless it’s a glossy mag at the supermarket checkout telling me about the latest celebrity divorce or some weekday tabloid that proudly used to bill itself as “easy to read” with a Wednesday centerfold girl enticing you to buy it for the girl and the rest for bird cage lining, then it’s not worth expending years of near non-existent public education reading skills on. Because we all know how you can barely read any, if at all. You don’t go misspelling words and no one raises an eyebrow that easily, unless others are just as deficient as you are. Then you feel proud that you didn’t need no books or schooling to get by in life. Why, if you can just go on welfare? Want a nicer car or house, but don’t feel like putting in four more years of your life into school after graduating from high school? Just take up some trade. Not that you really do feel like you can do it for life. But because it gets you onto a cushy job in an air-conditioned factory floor where all you have to do is punch buttons every once in a while and then loudly complain about how you hate your 3k a month job because you have to work weekends and you badly wanted to camp out in front of Gamestop for the latest video game release. Fuck you. I may not have a glamorous job waiting for me or a $20 an hour salary. But at least when I get back from a day of cleaning kitchens and taking out the trash, I will have done some actual work.

In the end, while the only thing I feel sorry about is leaving behind my family to suffer here while the rest of you drag them down with you, I will be doing my damn best to stay the fuck away from you guys for the most part. Call me a “traitor” if you must and an “escapee” if it makes you feel better at night. But you have offered me nothing, despite being one of your own children. In return, I shall take even less. And when I come back, I will come back to destroy you even more, so that when you are nothing more but scorched earth and piles of rubble, I can build you up with the love that only a guy like me can, into the great and beautiful nation that you have always deserved to be. Until then…